The ya ya Sisterhood of Indian Army Wives

Ask any army man in any part of the world what keeps him going, and he will answer, "My Wife!" So, never take your title lightly, all you army wives, for you  are the backbone of your soldier. Not every woman can do this. It takes a very special & courageous woman to stand behind her man when he is out on field for months at a time. It is the spirit and stamina in the lady that helps her face the physical and mental challenges of everyday life. Oh no, not just any woman will do. Only the one wedded to the Olive Green can handle this challenge.  

     Just think...Can just any woman stand on the pier with a baby in her arms and one on the way, and keep a stiff upper lip as she waves good-bye to her husband, keeping back the tears for "the child(ren)’s sake"? Can just any woman lay alone night after night, for months and months at a time being the sole guardian of her family? Can just any woman get 2 weeks notice to pack up her whole household, pass an inspection, load the car, say a quick good-bye to girlfriends who became like sisters and take off for yet another duty station only to begin all over again? Can just any woman take the loneliness and heartbreak of having no tender kisses, gentle touches or of hearing the voice of her husband day after day? Can just any woman be a mother, doctor, maid, chauffeur, umpire, psychologist, financial consultant, tooth fairy, Santa, the Easter Bunny, the main disciplinarian and STILL enforce the love and discipline of an absent father?? Not likely!

So all the ladies in the Army wives sisterhood share a common bond...of love, understanding & sharing. 'cause most often than not, they stand in each others' shoes.

But a few ladies from the army-wives sisterhood have been persistently bugging me and causing me discomfort of the heart and mind, especially at a time which is considered to be the most important in a woman’s life...the time when she’s on the family way. I baptize those ladies as my army-step-sisters.

The one who caused me much hurt was the one who used to be the closest & dearest sister I once had. Till date, I could never understand her behavior which she displayed the last time I ever heard of her. This sister-turned-stepsister used to be my friend, my confidant & my partner in crime. We were like two new entrants in the army sisterhood who learned most rules together from our blunders & follies. I would have gone on believing that we were very fond of each other & gave each other strength, being there for each other through our cloudy days...till I was proven wrong by what she did. She had broken that unsaid rule which bonded us in the sisterhood. She conspired and stabbed me from behind. I don’t know how she or her dearest one must have been benefited by what she did. She instigated someone against me that had consequences I will neither forgive, nor forget in my entire life. It caused me a lot of inconveniences and utter grief in the last few days of my pregnancy and must have definitely affected my baby too in some way or the other. What is it that people say about an idle mind being a devil's workshop? Somebody get her piles of work for the FWO (family welfare organization) programmes quick! before she conspires against someone else too.
Not only me, but even God should not forgive anyone who were involved in that conspiracy. I have only one question for that woman... “Why?”

The second step-sister’s behavior isn’t that hurtful, because the intensity of our love, trust & friendship was not that strong. We had a love-hate relationship from the very beginning. I didn’t expect anything at all from her & can’t comment much on her expectations from me. If given a choice, I would usually choose to stay away from people of such nature and never ever confide in a person like her. Though, I must say, she had been good to me on certain occasions & we also have had our share of good times together. Just too bad, I’m not into sucking up of anybody’s anything as per her whims.  To quote in another lady’s words, “That ‘ice-maiden’ & her ‘little assistant’ are two big suckers you’ve got there.”  
This one irked me by questioning me about a private matter at a time when she should have inquired about my health and about the baby’s development and if I needed any help while my husband was away. Not that she has done herself proud by following every rule in the book to the dot. Her ‘little assistant’ had passed on enough information to me that can embarrass ‘ice-maiden’ if she is worth her salt. So just one message for her too... “If you live in a glass house, its better to change your clothes in the basement.”

The third step-sisterly behavior displayed together by two ladies I hardly even know. Both are mothers of two children each. And something led them to believe that a local maid I hired from outside, was better and more trustworthy than the ones available for work within the campus and that they should ‘steal’ that maid from me by offering to pay her more and that, when I was 36 weeks pregnant.. I still smile at the immaturity of the combined act displayed by them. They better have some good explanation for that kind of unladylike behavior. “Hey there, step-sisters, guess what? Maids don’t control my life as they do yours, but what were you thinking? I hope your husbands aren’t stolen from someone else either.”

I would have never chosen to have to go through this phase of life or meet such ladies so insensitive towards another lady’s feelings & hardship. They cannot be sisters; they are step-sisters! I kept saying just that to myself and sailed through. I somehow kept my thoughts positive through all these, in spite of as difficult as it got.  But I have found that all these experiences have strengthened me as a person and brought me and my husband closer to each other than ever before.  It has shown me that the things I used to find important in life, well, just aren't as important as I once thought they were. I couldn't wait for my husband to come home almost till the time my baby arrived, but I was determined to hold on. And he was sent away the very next day after the baby came. I was angry, annoyed, helpless, sad. But I became stronger because of what I had to go through. I found strength in me that I never knew existed before. I found out who my real friends were and who weren't, who supported me through difficult times and who didn't care. And then I discovered a few real sisters, not related by birth or blood, but belonging to the same sisterhood. Where known sisters turned into step-sisters, there friendly strangers took over.

The First Lady of a separate Arm, made it her first prerogative to take care of my well being. She would drop by nearly every day to check on me & make sure personally if I was okay; if I needed any medical attention. She kept a vehicle on standby even at night just to take me to the doctor if anything should happen at the night time. She would always bring me a portion of home-cooked food & share funny jokes, just to brighten up my gloomy mood. Day by day our friendship grew. I would tell her my sob stories and she would share her experiences & say, “this too shall pass”. She gave me all the love & strength that I needed from an elder sister or from my own unit's First Lady. But Alas! So, I can never repay her kindness towards me. She will remain special to me forever.

Then there is this other lady (also a senior and from a separate Div) who would knock at my door at any time of the day and check on me. She’d tell me what to eat & what not to eat before the baby was born and took me out for morning and evening walks. After the baby was born, she helped me with a lot of important things which were either forgotten to be told or ignored by the doctors. Even till this date, there is never a day when she goes somewhere without asking if I’d like to come along or if she can get me anything from the market when she goes out. I know, she will remain my lifelong sister and friend.

There was a time when my neighbor from the top-floor provided me with pure drinking water just after I had moved in to our accommodation and before I got my water purifier in place. That is the noblest of things that someone can do to an 8-month pregnant woman. 

And then another lady who used to drive me to the shopping complex & movie theater every time I wanted to. Yet another one I met at a short-term course, loved my baby like her own and would baby-sit when I’d take my shower or cook. There were yet another couple of them who shared recipes & handicraft notes of classes I wasn’t able to attend with my baby only a month old.

Such friendly strangers, whose husbands are either with them or also away on field, together we often marvel at how we are making it through the separation, but really, we are surviving. We are continuing with our lives. Sometimes it seems hopeless, but we are making it through this and are much stronger for it. If I were not able to have someone like them here to help me keep a positive outlook, it would have been much more difficult for me to sail through. Such ladies truly deserve love and respect. I consider them my army-sisters and we enjoy each others company while our husbands are away serving the nation.

If any new bride wedded to the olive green is reading this, I encourage you to actively search for that special someone in the sisterhood you can connect with, who will neither bitch behind your back nor will be totally insensitive to your being and situation, but will be goodhearted and genuine in nature. If you already have, keep that friendship alive and cherish it for lifetime.