December 31, 2011

Movies I watched in 2011

S.N. Date Time (hrs) Cinema Movie

1 25th Jan'11 11:00 ANURADHA-Guwahati-THE TOURIST
2 03rd Feb'11 14:00 RHINO CINEMA-Satgaon-DIL TOH BACHHA HAI JI
3 06th Feb'11 18:00 RHINO CINEMA-Satgaon-YEH SAALI ZINDAGI
4 11th Feb'11 14:00 RHINO CINEMA-Satgaon-PATIALA HOUSE
5 18th Feb'11 11:00 RHINO CINEMA-Satgaon-SAAT KHOON MAAF
6 25th Feb'11 11:00 RHINO CINEMA-Satgaon-TANU WEDS MANU
7 28th Feb'11 14:00 VANDANA-Guwahati-RAAMDHENU (assamese)
8 04th Mar'11 18:00 RHINO CINEMA-Satgaon-YEH FAASLEY
9 09th Mar'11 11:00 ANURADHA-Guwahati-DHOBI GHAT 
10 11th Mar'11 18:00 RHINO CINEMA-Satgaon-AASHIQUI.IN
11 12th Mar'11 18:00 RHINO CINEMA-Satgaon-UNITED 6
12 18th Mar'11 14:00 RHINO CINEMA-Satgaon-ONGBAK3
13 23rd Jun'11 14:00 RHINO CINEMA-Satgaon-BHEJA FRY 2
14 23rd Jun'11 18:00 RHINO CINEMA-Satgaon-ALWAYS KABHI KABHI
15 27th Jun'11 14:00 RHINO CINEMA-Satgaon-DOUBLE DHAMAAL
16 01st Jul'11 14:00 RHINO CINEMA-Satgaon-DELHI BELLY
17 02nd Jul'11 11:00 RHINO CINEMA-Satgaon-BBUDDHA HOGA TERA BAAP
18 08th Jul'11 10:00 RHINO CINEMA-Satgaon-DOUBLE DHAMAAL
20 17th Jul'11 14:00 RHINO CINEMA-Satgaon-CHILLAR PARTY
21 28th Jul'11 18:00 RHINO CINEMA-Satgaon-SINGHAM
22 31st Jul'11 18:00 RHINO CINEMA-Satgaon-BUBBLEGUM
23 06th Aug'11 11:00 RHINO CINEMA-Satgaon-AGAH: THE WARNING
25 13th Aug'11 11:00 RHINO CINEMA-Satgaon-AARAKSHAN
26 01st Sept'11 14:00 RHINO CINEMA-Satgaon-BODYGUARD
27 09th Sept'11 18:00 RHINO CINEMA-Satgaon-MERE BROTHER KE DULHAN
28 16th Sep'11 11:00 RHINO CINEMA-Satgaon-THAT GIRL IN YELLOW BOOTS 
30 23rd Sep'11 11:00 RHINO CINEMA-Satgaon-MAUSAM
29 03rd Oct'11 18:00 RHINO CINEMA-Satgaon-FORCE
30 04th Oct'11 14:00 RHINO CINEMA-Satgaon-SAHEB, BIWI AUR GANGSTER
31 14th Oct'11 18:00 RHINO CINEMA-Satgaon-RASCALS
32 22nd Oct'11 18:00 RHINO CINEMA-Satgaon-MY FRIEND PINTO
33 30th Oct'11 18:00 RHINO CINEMA-Satgaon-RA.ONE
34 13th Nov'11 14:00 RHINO CINEMA-Satgaon-ROCKSTAR
35 26th Nov'11 11:00 RHINO CINEMA-Satgaon-DESI BOYZ
36 02nd Dec'11 11:00 RHINO CINEMA-Satgaon-THE DIRTY PICTURE
37 09th Dec'11 11:00 RHINO CINEMA-Satgaon-LADIES VS RICKY BAHL
38 09th Dec'11 14:00 RHINO CINEMA-Satgaon-LANKA

39 23rd Dec'11 14:00 RHINO CINEMA-Satgaon-DON2

Downloaded/DVD watches-

September 20, 2011

I have you!

When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. That happened to me exactly two years ago. The start was rosy, though before long I was put back to the harsh reality of the challenges that were to be faced by an army wife. Duty called and my husband was gone...still is. In 2 years of marriage, we have seen 6 places and been together for about 10 months or so. But still, it feels like yesterday when it all started. Nothing much has changed, really... I still can't get enough of waiting for his call every day, the rush I get at the thought of preparing for the day when he comes home, the vanity of a teenager that pleases me when he gets jealous, the sheer joy of seeing him in our daughter who looks exactly like her father...
Sometimes when the going gets tough, my light goes out but is blown right back into flame by him again and I realize that love knows not its own depth until the time of separation. I owe him my deepest thanks for rekindling my light, for giving me strength and courage to carry on during long separations and for loving me so;  for telling me that he loves me, when I need to hear it the most; for making me feel that just because we are wed the courtship's not at an end and for promising me that the best is yet to be.
...'cause there is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great as being with him and no tonic so powerful as the expectation of seeing him soon and being together for eternity! 

June 28, 2011

The ya ya Sisterhood of Indian Army Wives

Ask any army man in any part of the world what keeps him going, and he will answer, "My Wife!" So, never take your title lightly, all you army wives, for you  are the backbone of your soldier. Not every woman can do this. It takes a very special & courageous woman to stand behind her man when he is out on field for months at a time. It is the spirit and stamina in the lady that helps her face the physical and mental challenges of everyday life. Oh no, not just any woman will do. Only the one wedded to the Olive Green can handle this challenge.  
     Just think...Can just any woman stand on the pier with a baby in her arms and one on the way, and keep a stiff upper lip as she waves good-bye to her husband, keeping back the tears for "the child(ren)’s sake"? Can just any woman lay alone night after night, for months and months at a time being the sole guardian of her family? Can just any woman get 2 weeks notice to pack up her whole household, pass an inspection, load the car, say a quick good-bye to girlfriends who became like sisters and take off for yet another duty station only to begin all over again? Can just any woman take the loneliness and heartbreak of having no tender kisses, gentle touches or of hearing the voice of her husband day after day? Can just any woman be a mother, doctor, maid, chauffeur, umpire, psychologist, financial consultant, tooth fairy, Santa, the Easter Bunny, the main disciplinarian and STILL enforce the love and discipline of an absent father?? Not likely!
So all the ladies in the Army wives sisterhood share a common bond...of love, understanding & sharing. 'cause most often than not, they stand in each others' shoes.
But a few ladies from the army-wives sisterhood have been persistently bugging me and causing me discomfort of the heart and mind, especially at a time which is considered to be the most important in a woman’s life...the time when she’s on the family way. I baptize those ladies as my army-step-sisters.
The one who caused me much hurt was the one who used to be the closest & dearest sister I once had. Till date, I could never understand her behavior which she displayed the last time I ever heard of her. This sister-turned-stepsister used to be my friend, my confidant & my partner in crime. We were like two new entrants in the army sisterhood who learned most rules together from our blunders & follies. I would have gone on believing that we were very fond of each other & gave each other strength, being there for each other through our cloudy days...till I was proven wrong by what she did. She had broken that unsaid rule which bonded us in the sisterhood. She conspired and stabbed me from behind. I don’t know how she or her dearest one must have been benefited by what she did. She instigated someone against me that had consequences I will neither forgive, nor forget in my entire life. It caused me a lot of inconveniences and utter grief in the last few days of my pregnancy and must have definitely affected my baby too in some way or the other. What is it that people say about an idle mind being a devil's workshop? Somebody get her piles of work for the FWO (family welfare organization) programmes quick! before she conspires against someone else too.
Not only me, but even God should not forgive anyone who were involved in that conspiracy. I have only one question for that woman... “Why?”
The second step-sister’s behavior isn’t that hurtful, because the intensity of our love, trust & friendship was not that strong. We had a love-hate relationship from the very beginning. I didn’t expect anything at all from her & can’t comment much on her expectations from me. If given a choice, I would usually choose to stay away from people of such nature and never ever confide in a person like her. Though, I must say, she had been good to me on certain occasions & we also have had our share of good times together. Just too bad, I’m not into sucking up of anybody’s anything as per her whims.  To quote in another lady’s words, “That ‘ice-maiden’ & her ‘little assistant’ are two big suckers you’ve got there.”  
This one irked me by questioning me about a private matter at a time when she should have inquired about my health and about the baby’s development and if I needed any help while my husband was away. Not that she has done herself proud by following every rule in the book to the dot. Her ‘little assistant’ had passed on enough information to me that can embarrass ‘ice-maiden’ if she is worth her salt. So just one message for her too... “If you live in a glass house, its better to change your clothes in the basement.”
The third step-sisterly behavior displayed together by two ladies I hardly even know. Both are mothers of two children each. And something led them to believe that a local maid I hired from outside, was better and more trustworthy than the ones available for work within the campus and that they should ‘steal’ that maid from me by offering to pay her more and that, when I was 36 weeks pregnant.. I still smile at the immaturity of the combined act displayed by them. They better have some good explanation for that kind of unladylike behavior. “Hey there, step-sisters, guess what? Maids don’t control my life as they do yours, but what were you thinking? I hope your husbands aren’t stolen from someone else either.”

I would have never chosen to have to go through this phase of life or meet such ladies so insensitive towards another lady’s feelings & hardship. They cannot be sisters; they are step-sisters! I kept saying just that to myself and sailed through. I somehow kept my thoughts positive through all these, in spite of as difficult as it got.  But I have found that all these experiences have strengthened me as a person and brought me and my husband closer to each other than ever before.  It has shown me that the things I used to find important in life, well, just aren't as important as I once thought they were. I couldn't wait for my husband to come home almost till the time my baby arrived, but I was determined to hold on. And he was sent away the very next day after the baby came. I was angry, annoyed, helpless, sad. But I became stronger because of what I had to go through. I found strength in me that I never knew existed before. I found out who my real friends were and who weren't, who supported me through difficult times and who didn't care. And then I discovered a few real sisters, not related by birth or blood, but belonging to the same sisterhood. Where known sisters turned into step-sisters, there friendly strangers took over.
The First Lady of a separate Arm, made it her first prerogative to take care of my well being. She would drop by nearly every day to check on me & make sure personally if I was okay; if I needed any medical attention. She kept a vehicle on standby even at night just to take me to the doctor if anything should happen at the night time. She would always bring me a portion of home-cooked food & share funny jokes, just to brighten up my gloomy mood. Day by day our friendship grew. I would tell her my sob stories and she would share her experiences & say, “this too shall pass”. She gave me all the love & strength that I needed from an elder sister or from my own unit's First Lady. But Alas! So, I can never repay her kindness towards me. She will remain special to me forever.
Then there is this other lady (also a senior and from a separate Div) who would knock at my door at any time of the day and check on me. She’d tell me what to eat & what not to eat before the baby was born and took me out for morning and evening walks. After the baby was born, she helped me with a lot of important things which were either forgotten to be told or ignored by the doctors. Even till this date, there is never a day when she goes somewhere without asking if I’d like to come along or if she can get me anything from the market when she goes out. I know, she will remain my lifelong sister and friend.
There was a time when my neighbor from the top-floor provided me with pure drinking water just after I had moved in to our accommodation and before I got my water purifier in place. That is the noblest of things that someone can do to an 8-month pregnant woman. 
And then another lady who used to drive me to the shopping complex & movie theater every time I wanted to. Yet another one I met at a short-term course, loved my baby like her own and would baby-sit when I’d take my shower or cook. There were yet another couple of them who shared recipes & handicraft notes of classes I wasn’t able to attend with my baby only a month old.
Such friendly strangers, whose husbands are either with them or also away on field, together we often marvel at how we are making it through the separation, but really, we are surviving. We are continuing with our lives. Sometimes it seems hopeless, but we are making it through this and are much stronger for it. If I were not able to have someone like them here to help me keep a positive outlook, it would have been much more difficult for me to sail through. Such ladies truly deserve love and respect. I consider them my army-sisters and we enjoy each others company while our husbands are away serving the nation.
If any new bride wedded to the olive green is reading this, I encourage you to actively search for that special someone in the sisterhood you can connect with, who will neither bitch behind your back nor will be totally insensitive to your being and situation, but will be goodhearted and genuine in nature. If you already have, keep that friendship alive and cherish it for lifetime.

March 18, 2011

Why I like celebrating HOLI

The festivitiy of HOLI go back a long time and holds a lot of significance in my life. Right from my very childhood, I have seen my father prepare and get involved in the festival whole-heartedly. He'd prepare us a liquid magenta dye from the seeds of a local vegetable, for our 'pichkaris' and give us dry indigo to be used as powder-colour. Our colours always stood out, did not stay for long and were much safer than the synthetic dyes and 'gulal' available in the local markets. Dad would also prepare the finest 'thandai' sans 'bhaang' with lots of dry fruits. Ma would be busy mixing loads of 'sweet boondi' with 'bhujiya' and have her sweets ready for all our visiting neighbours & playmates. It was always exciting for us on holi as we wouldn't even sit at our study tables on those 2 days of the festival and would start playing right from the moment we finished our breakfast. The first day would be the dry-colour day and the second day would be the wet-colour day. Nonetheless, both the days were equally fun. The neighbours' stopover would always be at our house, especially for the special treat that ma & dad always offered. Every year it was a customary thing for us and I grew up seeing this household tradition till I grew up to be 21. This festival always allowed us to blend our sensivities with a certain joi-de-vivre. That was then.

After I moved to Delhi, I was introduced to a quite different and shocking culture of playing holi there. People, especially young boys and even the not-so-young boys would have small balloons filled with water ready about a week before the actual festival. They would aim and throw these water-balloons hitting passerbys, especially girls and women, at vulgarly embarrassing places. It wasn't fun to turn up at a class or at the workplace with a wet shirt-front or a seat-wet jeans. Nobody would or could say anything to these 'goons' as they would have their cheesy line ready...bura na maano, holi hai! (don't mind, it's holi!). And since one couldn't escape this torture in the name of a beautiful festival, the best thing to do was either to stay indoors or somehow avoid venturing out in the prime hours of the day. On the actual days of the festival, it got even worse. With access to alchohol and bhaang, people quickly turned into demons and in the name of camaraderie it became a festival that was vulgar and boorish. It no longer evoked a sense of choice as much as it evoked a sense of force. And I began detesting Holi with all my heart through my entire stay in Delhi.

Then last year I celebrated Holi (to use the cliche) with gay abandon, fun and first after marriage, with my husband and his entire unit and brigade. It was very special and a great equaliser. It brought back good old memories of my childhood Holi and in a way I got emotional and salubrious, especially to watch my spouse celebrate the festival with equal enthusiasm and vigour as I remembered my dad doing it years ago. We smeared colours on one another, had bhaang-thandai with snacks, got drenced from head to toe, sang and danced and finally rounded it off with a sit-down luncheon with the entire unit. It was indeed a festival of colours, fun and happiness. It really didn't matter which colour was in long as you knew who was going to dab it on you and that your special one is watching over you, assuring that no one went overboard to an annoying extent. It was about sharing, not about hoarding. And I fell in love with the festival once again.

This year, though I'll be missing celebrating holi with my husband, on the brighter side, I'm spoiled for choice whether to be home to enjoy this wonderful festival of colours once again with my loved ones in our old wonderful customary tradition, or to share this colourful festival with other families of defence at the club. Guess I'll choose one day of each. Happy Holi to one and all!

March 05, 2011

What I'm missing the most these days

For the last 8 months, I have been deprived of some mundane daily pleasures that I never fully appreciated… until they were gone.Whether it's longing for a second cup of coffee or desperately missing skinny jeans, I am weighing in a few pre-pregnacy perks I plan to enjoy once the baby is born.

Being carefree, independent & unforgetful. I miss being the independent woman I had always been. People (esp the ones who care for me) won't let me do anything for myself. I can still do a lot of stuff – slowly, mind you! but I can still do it. I miss my mind. I can't remember things or be detail oriented. I forget everything and make really dumb errors now. I used to be extremely efficient but now I really feel I'm sluggishly inefficient. I don't feel as sharp or on the ball. And I forget a lot. The more 'ditzy' I feel, the more I feel like I'm less of a strong, smart, independent woman. My friends and family members want to help with everything when they come over. My mom makes me sit down while she cooks and even brings me food to last for atleast 2-3 weeks or atleast till her next visit. I hate doing chores, but I also feel stupid sitting there twiddling my fingers while my mother or the domestic help work around trying to make things easy for me. I also miss my independence. I need help moving objects around the house. I often need to ask for help doing things that used to be so easy. I miss dancing until I can't dance anymore. Now I can barely walk straight, only waddle.

Emotional Control. I miss my old attitude (because apparently this one is too soppy). Everything makes me cry – either happy tears or sad tears. I miss having control of my emotions. I'm so tired of breaking down over silly stuff (like over a book I read or even watching a movie I've watched so many times before...without crying). I'm nagging and a grumpy nervous freak, cranky, irritable and crying over every silly thing in the world. I'm so tired of being overly emotional like this but also can't seem to help it. I want my nonchalantly happy & carefree attitude back....soon.

Peaceful sleep. I miss sleeping on my back and stomach, not using the bathroom every hour or so. I miss sleeping a full night and getting out of bed without having to roll off. At 34 weeks, even sleeping on my side is impossible. I have to sleep sitting up at times, which makes dreams weirder and headaches are almost a given. Right now (4 weeks to go) I need to be surrounded by pillows to be comfortable for the few hours of sleep that I get. No comfortable sleeping position or even sleeping at all! A great night consists of two uninterrupted hours without any back or abdominal pain, and not getting out of bed at 5a.m. because I'm tired of just lying there trying to get some sleep. I can't seem to keep my eyes open past 10p.m. but once I fall asleep, it doesn't last long because I get these vicious kicks to the bladder from my diva in training. Maybe this is mother nature's way of preparing me for the baby's arrival and the night stay-ups to follow.

A normal sense of smell. Before, I think I had an average sense of smell, but now it's sharp. Like a diva, I've abruptly left restaurants because of a disturbing smell..esp of chicken or prawns. I used to love chicken and all kinds of non-veg food. But now I can't even bear the thought of chicken, let alone smelling or eating it. The super-sniffer has its not-so-good points, like being able to distinguish people's horrible body odour or stinky socks, even hours after they have gone. I earnestly hope to get back my normal sense of smell after my pregnancy ends.

Off-limit food. I've craved runny eggs so badly ever since becoming pregnant, I almost don't want to eat. For that matter, I even miss the sheer joy of eating. For my entire pregnancy, eating has been tainted by morning & evening sickness, followed by heartburn and indigestion. The biggest thing I look forward to after giving birth is eating loads of KFCs, unlimited slices of pepperoni pizza and lots of sunny-side-up poached eggs.

Caffeinating. The 3 Cs...Coke, coffee & chocolate… sweet Lord… I crave for them all the time. I occasionally drink a regular soda or have an occasional cuppa, but I'd like to drink more of them. And chocolates! I just can't have enough of them. I know they're bad, but I really miss them in my system way too much than ever before.

Wine & beer. I'm not a drinker in the least, but I miss my wine. After a long stressful day or with a really good meal, there's nothing like a nice glass of wine. And I miss beer too, when it's hot and humid out. I miss the taste of an ice-cold beer and being able to have one whenever I want... on my balcony on a nice warm day or before dinner, enjoying it while watching my favourite soap on tv. Guess, I still have a long time to go before laying my hands on a mug or a flute.

Sexy shoes. I really, really, really miss my collection of heels, fancy dressy shoes, sexy stilettoes and all the pretty shoes my usually tiny feet could fit into earlier. I'm so sick of practical (though comfy) walking shoes, and although I love my slip-ons and flat pumps, I'm sick of having to wear those too, almost at all times. My feet aren't swollen so much as puffy, so my feet don't look good in cute shoes. I'm sure my shoes and cute sandals all miss me too. And yeah, I also miss being able to tie my own shoes, that's why now its always strap-ons or slip-ons. Can't just wait to put my feet into a sexy pair of high-heels again.
Dressing up. The sexy diva doesn't look so sexy anymore with her belly wiggling and portruding and hair not so sleek and shiny. I miss getting my hair done! I miss being sexy, 'cause I don't feel that way very much. I'm huge and uncomfortable and I miss my cute outfits. I used to be quite proud of my super-toned pre-pregnancy body. I miss my cute little belly button and the naval piercing I had till a few days ago, but I eventually had to take off the ring once my naval started expanding and popping out. I miss my abs and oh! having adorably pedicured feet. Will I ever be able to wear my nice old clothes and shoes again?

And most of all, I miss My Husband. Ever since he visited me after 4 months of separation and left again for his post, I have been missing him even more than ever before. I miss being able to snuggle with my husband in bed and falling asleep holding him. All that I want is be with him again and be pampered by him like he did when he was here. I want him to be here with me at the time of the baby's arrival.

But all said and done, the love, pampering and attention I get, the anticipation of the baby's arrival and the sheer joy of feeling the baby move inside me... that is all which takes to keep me going and I wouldn't trade this phase for anything else in the whole wide world.

February 14, 2011

My Valentine!

My baby, you're not out in this world yet,
We've seen you in the ultrasound, though never in person met.
My world changed forever the day you were conceived
Your heartbeat takes me to the reality of what I've achieved.
Seen all the tiny toes in both your feet
Just can't wait till the day we meet.
Seen your eyes, nose and also your mouth
I think you have a lovely little pout.
Seen your arms, legs and belly too
Barely 2 more months until you're due.
Darling, you're connected with my umbilical cord
But the way you lie in there, I feel you're really bored.
Heard the sound of your heart beating so fast
I'm really getting impatient now, till I get to hold you at last.
Soon will come the day when I'll hold you in my arms,
Hoping to protect you from every harm.
I feel ecstatic when you move inside the womb of mine
This time o' little one, I take you as my Valentine!
As you grow with lightning speed, I'm treasuring each day
Promising to myself, I'll give you a rainbow even when the sky is dull & grey.

January 01, 2011


I was in my usual bind when New Year’s Eve came around. It was time to assess the past year and, if there was something I felt needed improvement, to resolve to do better. The familiar candidates came to mind: travel a lot, paint, cook passionately, laugh more, break more rules and try to be more organized. In short, I'd promise to live my usual crazy life acting on impulse at every step... do stuff I'm really passionate about... speak my mind out... the works. They sound familiar because each year I make almost the same resolutions and each year I'd follow some and break some. With 1 year of marriage, 4 station changes and 9 months of wait for a family quarter, our stuff is still in a chaotic state, I am still waiting for some help from husband's unit to come over and unpack our household belongings, and the very thought of organising our quarter to give it a 'home' feel and look, has become a dirty thought. Living out of a suitcase in every destination we changed for the last 9 months, my 'own space' currently at my parents' house has become a testament to chaos and craziness. There are piles of books on my computer desk and some more scattered on the bed. The computer chair I placed near the desktop table for reading and typing or for the convenience of an occasional guest, is usually used as my clothes-stand. Sometimes, its more of a magazine rack, laden with so many back issues there is no room to actually sit on it to read. So much that visiting friends/relatives sometimes have to sit on my bed when I don't get a prior notice to clear the chair of clothes or magazines. It isn’t pretty. I assured myself I could—and would—finally clear it up… starting today. Or maybe tomorrow(?!). I would make my resolution to be very neat and organised wherever I am and stick to it! But first I needed to go to the market before it closed for the evening, to pick up a birthday gift for my little cousin. Then on to the cleaners. The carpenter would arrive post lunch to make modifications to my old book-rack and frame an oil painting I had made. I also promised I would meet my friends later in the evening. And somewhere in there I had to make time to work on a writing assignment I had accepted and whose deadline was racing uncomfortably close.
By the time I returned home from the market, I barely had time to put everything away before getting dressed for the evening. My husband reached to celebrate New Year's eve with me and we were going out first for the birthday dinner at my cousin's, then meeting up with close friends to celebrate New Year's eve.
“Let’s go,” he calls after getting ready around 9-ish. “It’s getting late.”
I leave a cascade of tried and discarded outfits on my bed and rush out with him to my uncle's. We have a great family time there and since we can't manage to get an available cab service with a driver who agrees to take us around town, party-hopping after 9pm, we cancel the plan of meeting up with friends for tonight. Nonetheless, we have an amazingly awesome 'family time' with good food, laughter and happiness. We come home a little after midnight. I am too tired to fold and put the pile of unworn clothes away, so I dump them onto the 'chair' at the foot of the bed, toss the bedspread over them, and crawl under the covers with a warm and snuggly hubby. We fall asleep almost instantly.
In the morning, on the first day of the New Year 2011, I know I am already in trouble. I take out my journal and write the almost familiar 11 resolutions (11, since its 2011)...
1. I will keep my space sparkling clean, no matter wherever I live.
2. I will travel more with or without the husband.
3. I will get more organized and follow a routine.
4. I will stop putting off things for later if I could finish them much earlier.
5. I will get a new job before the year ends.
6. I will spend less on shoes, clothes and perfumes.
7. I will watch more movies.
8. I will paint a lot.
9. I will start writing a book.
10.I will never compromise/sacrifice on anything my heart really wants.
11.I will continue to be my crazy self whether someone likes it or not.
I ponder over these written words, though, I am almost certain I would break most or all of them. I close the journal. What is the use? I am overwhelmed by the resolutions and I almost never follow them. It is too hard to stick to some of your old habits when you have new people, new committments and new relationships in your life. I go downstairs to my mom's kitchen and making 2 strong cups of tea for hubby and me, bring them upstairs in a thermos. Hubby is still snoring away, smiling ocassionally at me opening a squinty eye, then drifting back to his lazy morning slumber tucked under the cozy mink blanket.
I pour myself a cup of steaming tea and sipping on it, take a look at my resolutions jotted down neatly. I resent the pattern I have created for myself, yet can’t see my way out of it. In my guilt-ridden wanderings around the room, I brush against the chair and some of the clothes fall to the floor. As I bend down slowly to pick them up, underneath the computer table, I see a book I had recently bought at the book fair. It is a 'how-to' book on getting organized. I had bought it thinking I would get around to reading it, but not surprisingly, I put it off and was slowly beginning to forget about it. Now I suddenly can't wait to read it. It helps me see that I don’t need to do it all immediately... that I can prioritise things in my life depending on their changing importance. I can tackle one small thing at a time. I can make a schedule and follow it. I can start slowly. I can do one project each day instead of trying to do it all at once. I finally conclude I can break the pattern.
Our baby moves in my womb.
“I’m sorry,” I tell baby. “How could I have forgotten you all this while? You are now the first priority in my life. I love you so much.”
And then it strikes me all at once and everything suddenly becomes so clear. I know what I should do. I grab my journal and cross out what I have written before. Then I write my resolution for this year... not eleven, not ten, but one resolution.
My only resolution this year is to be a responsible person. A responsible wife, a responsible mother, a responsible daughter and that means I'd be CRAZY NO MORE.

A very happy and prosperous New Year 2011 to one and all.