NY RESOLUTION STATUS

I must admit, I have broken one of my New Year resolutions and have not been able to keep up with many of them. I was going through some very blue moments of late and started smoking from the 15th of August (incidently, on the independence day I succumbed to the 'butt' again). I smoked the whole day that day till my throat was sore and burning and tears ran down my cheeks with the smoke, mixed with my inner grief. I thought it was okay to take a break for 1 day and smoke... but it led to me smoking the next day again. The 3rd day my friend at work warned me about me getting trapped into it again. I convinced her and myself that I'd smoke for the whole week and then stop. The week elongated to become 2 weeks, precisely 16 days. So I smoked as much as I could till the month-end and then finally quit for good on the 31st of August. But I am not happy about it myself. I don't know why I couldn't be strong enough to not have done as I did. Perhaps there was a lack of reason or maybe that itself was a reason. Just for my health did not seem reason enough for me to have not smoked.

Sometimes I wonder why my senses go for a walk. Why I stop thinking rationally. Why I feel so snappy. Why I just want to let go of everything or everyone who matters to me so much. Why I have no zeal left for the ever new and happening thing called LIFE. I feel I have stopped 'living' for sometime now. I am just breathing, so I am 'existing'. Perhaps its a hint I should take seriously about a short break again....soon. The sun and the sea beckons...