Why I like celebrating HOLI

The festivitiy of HOLI go back a long time and holds a lot of significance in my life. Right from my very childhood, I have seen my father prepare and get involved in the festival whole-heartedly. He'd prepare us a liquid magenta dye from the seeds of a local vegetable, for our 'pichkaris' and give us dry indigo to be used as powder-colour. Our colours always stood out, did not stay for long and were much safer than the synthetic dyes and 'gulal' available in the local markets. Dad would also prepare the finest 'thandai' sans 'bhaang' with lots of dry fruits. Ma would be busy mixing loads of 'sweet boondi' with 'bhujiya' and have her sweets ready for all our visiting neighbours & playmates. It was always exciting for us on holi as we wouldn't even sit at our study tables on those 2 days of the festival and would start playing right from the moment we finished our breakfast. The first day would be the dry-colour day and the second day would be the wet-colour day. Nonetheless, both the days were equally fun. The neighbours' stopover would always be at our house, especially for the special treat that ma & dad always offered. Every year it was a customary thing for us and I grew up seeing this household tradition till I grew up to be 21. This festival always allowed us to blend our sensivities with a certain joi-de-vivre. That was then.

After I moved to Delhi, I was introduced to a quite different and shocking culture of playing holi there. People, especially young boys and even the not-so-young boys would have small balloons filled with water ready about a week before the actual festival. They would aim and throw these water-balloons hitting passerbys, especially girls and women, at vulgarly embarrassing places. It wasn't fun to turn up at a class or at the workplace with a wet shirt-front or a seat-wet jeans. Nobody would or could say anything to these 'goons' as they would have their cheesy line ready...bura na maano, holi hai! (don't mind, it's holi!). And since one couldn't escape this torture in the name of a beautiful festival, the best thing to do was either to stay indoors or somehow avoid venturing out in the prime hours of the day. On the actual days of the festival, it got even worse. With access to alchohol and bhaang, people quickly turned into demons and in the name of camaraderie it became a festival that was vulgar and boorish. It no longer evoked a sense of choice as much as it evoked a sense of force. And I began detesting Holi with all my heart through my entire stay in Delhi.

Then last year I celebrated Holi (to use the cliche) with gay abandon, fun and frolic...my first after marriage, with my husband and his entire unit and brigade. It was very special and a great equaliser. It brought back good old memories of my childhood Holi and in a way I got emotional and salubrious, especially to watch my spouse celebrate the festival with equal enthusiasm and vigour as I remembered my dad doing it years ago. We smeared colours on one another, had bhaang-thandai with snacks, got drenced from head to toe, sang and danced and finally rounded it off with a sit-down luncheon with the entire unit. It was indeed a festival of colours, fun and happiness. It really didn't matter which colour was in fashion...as long as you knew who was going to dab it on you and that your special one is watching over you, assuring that no one went overboard to an annoying extent. It was about sharing, not about hoarding. And I fell in love with the festival once again.

This year, though I'll be missing celebrating holi with my husband, on the brighter side, I'm spoiled for choice whether to be home to enjoy this wonderful festival of colours once again with my loved ones in our old wonderful customary tradition, or to share this colourful festival with other families of defence at the club. Guess I'll choose one day of each. Happy Holi to one and all!

What I'm missing the most these days

For the last 8 months, I have been deprived of some mundane daily pleasures that I never fully appreciated… until they were gone.Whether it's longing for a second cup of coffee or desperately missing skinny jeans, I am weighing in a few pre-pregnacy perks I plan to enjoy once the baby is born.

Being carefree, independent & unforgetful. I miss being the independent woman I had always been. People (esp the ones who care for me) won't let me do anything for myself. I can still do a lot of stuff – slowly, mind you! but I can still do it. I miss my mind. I can't remember things or be detail oriented. I forget everything and make really dumb errors now. I used to be extremely efficient but now I really feel I'm sluggishly inefficient. I don't feel as sharp or on the ball. And I forget a lot. The more 'ditzy' I feel, the more I feel like I'm less of a strong, smart, independent woman. My friends and family members want to help with everything when they come over. My mom makes me sit down while she cooks and even brings me food to last for atleast 2-3 weeks or atleast till her next visit. I hate doing chores, but I also feel stupid sitting there twiddling my fingers while my mother or the domestic help work around trying to make things easy for me. I also miss my independence. I need help moving objects around the house. I often need to ask for help doing things that used to be so easy. I miss dancing until I can't dance anymore. Now I can barely walk straight, only waddle.

Emotional Control. I miss my old attitude (because apparently this one is too soppy). Everything makes me cry – either happy tears or sad tears. I miss having control of my emotions. I'm so tired of breaking down over silly stuff (like over a book I read or even watching a movie I've watched so many times before...without crying). I'm nagging and a grumpy nervous freak, cranky, irritable and crying over every silly thing in the world. I'm so tired of being overly emotional like this but also can't seem to help it. I want my nonchalantly happy & carefree attitude back....soon.

Peaceful sleep. I miss sleeping on my back and stomach, not using the bathroom every hour or so. I miss sleeping a full night and getting out of bed without having to roll off. At 34 weeks, even sleeping on my side is impossible. I have to sleep sitting up at times, which makes dreams weirder and headaches are almost a given. Right now (4 weeks to go) I need to be surrounded by pillows to be comfortable for the few hours of sleep that I get. No comfortable sleeping position or even sleeping at all! A great night consists of two uninterrupted hours without any back or abdominal pain, and not getting out of bed at 5a.m. because I'm tired of just lying there trying to get some sleep. I can't seem to keep my eyes open past 10p.m. but once I fall asleep, it doesn't last long because I get these vicious kicks to the bladder from my diva in training. Maybe this is mother nature's way of preparing me for the baby's arrival and the night stay-ups to follow.

A normal sense of smell. Before, I think I had an average sense of smell, but now it's sharp. Like a diva, I've abruptly left restaurants because of a disturbing smell..esp of chicken or prawns. I used to love chicken and all kinds of non-veg food. But now I can't even bear the thought of chicken, let alone smelling or eating it. The super-sniffer has its not-so-good points, like being able to distinguish people's horrible body odour or stinky socks, even hours after they have gone. I earnestly hope to get back my normal sense of smell after my pregnancy ends.

Off-limit food. I've craved runny eggs so badly ever since becoming pregnant, I almost don't want to eat. For that matter, I even miss the sheer joy of eating. For my entire pregnancy, eating has been tainted by morning & evening sickness, followed by heartburn and indigestion. The biggest thing I look forward to after giving birth is eating loads of KFCs, unlimited slices of pepperoni pizza and lots of sunny-side-up poached eggs.

Caffeinating. The 3 Cs...Coke, coffee & chocolate… sweet Lord… I crave for them all the time. I occasionally drink a regular soda or have an occasional cuppa, but I'd like to drink more of them. And chocolates! I just can't have enough of them. I know they're bad, but I really miss them in my system way too much than ever before.

Wine & beer. I'm not a drinker in the least, but I miss my wine. After a long stressful day or with a really good meal, there's nothing like a nice glass of wine. And I miss beer too, when it's hot and humid out. I miss the taste of an ice-cold beer and being able to have one whenever I want... on my balcony on a nice warm day or before dinner, enjoying it while watching my favourite soap on tv. Guess, I still have a long time to go before laying my hands on a mug or a flute.

Sexy shoes. I really, really, really miss my collection of heels, fancy dressy shoes, sexy stilettoes and all the pretty shoes my usually tiny feet could fit into earlier. I'm so sick of practical (though comfy) walking shoes, and although I love my slip-ons and flat pumps, I'm sick of having to wear those too, almost at all times. My feet aren't swollen so much as puffy, so my feet don't look good in cute shoes. I'm sure my shoes and cute sandals all miss me too. And yeah, I also miss being able to tie my own shoes, that's why now its always strap-ons or slip-ons. Can't just wait to put my feet into a sexy pair of high-heels again.

Dressing up. The sexy diva doesn't look so sexy anymore with her belly wiggling and portruding and hair not so sleek and shiny. I miss getting my hair done! I miss being sexy, 'cause I don't feel that way very much. I'm huge and uncomfortable and I miss my cute outfits. I used to be quite proud of my super-toned pre-pregnancy body. I miss my cute little belly button and the naval piercing I had till a few days ago, but I eventually had to take off the ring once my naval started expanding and popping out. I miss my abs and oh! having adorably pedicured feet. Will I ever be able to wear my nice old clothes and shoes again?

And most of all, I miss My Husband. Ever since he visited me after 4 months of separation and left again for his post, I have been missing him even more than ever before. I miss being able to snuggle with my husband in bed and falling asleep holding him. All that I want is be with him again and be pampered by him like he did when he was here. I want him to be here with me at the time of the baby's arrival.

But all said and done, the love, pampering and attention I get, the anticipation of the baby's arrival and the sheer joy of feeling the baby move inside me... that is all which takes to keep me going and I wouldn't trade this phase for anything else in the whole wide world.